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06-Jul-2017 15:00

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No person that likes and loves themselves is gonna want someone like you. Now while we’re not the same, I’m a decent person that doesn’t like and love myself a lot – we could strike a deal and if you change, and love and validate me, which will help me realise my potential, I’ll make you into a good person.” That’s why I don’t believe in trying to force people to change and knowingly taking up with people that have code amber and red behaviours and feeling like it’s your right to impose your values because ‘no person should want to be this way’.Anything that anyone else is doing is because of their own personal agenda.Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you. shucks, I can’t seem to find a word to describe us.I must have thought I had capabilities that veered between being a Transformer, Inspector Gadget, and a Messiah with healing ways.If you have low or even zilch self-esteem, despite not loving and liking yourself enough, you have ‘inverted’ ego issues.Just like getting an ego stroke, collecting attention, serving your own agenda at the expense of others, and at the extreme end of things, being a narcissist are ego issues, so is low self-esteem.

Whether it’s dating, at home or the office, there are some common things we as men do that bind us together.Before the summer of 2005, I made ‘everything’ about me – that’s anything that went wrong that I could find even the most minuscule of reasons to take the credit for. Even if I acknowledged that I had a part in it, I’d be waiting for the other shoe to drop.Absorbing the blame for stuff and wondering what the hell was wrong with me fuelled 28 years of believing that I’m not good enough. O, at the heart of most of my relationships was a need for the other person and ‘things’ to change, or even changing myself.But do you know what focusing on others, absorbing all of their actions and making everything about you does?

It completely avoids accountability and responsibility. By you taking responsibility for their actions, you unwittingly imply that others act because of others, hence anything that you’re being and doing that detracts from you in the process, isn’t because of you but because of them and the situation.

I walked out of that room thinking “Jaysus Natalie! Yours could be too if you put the overactive ego on the backburner and get some balance.

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