Dating someone who is not a christian
But once you get into the relationship, you realize things aren’t as they seemed. Having coffee or going to eat dinner with the opposite sex is not dating. My wife loves the Lord, and I can say with all certainty I wouldn’t be following Jesus without her. Pull over at the closest gas station and decide what you want in a future spouse. Your list is designed to give you a framework for dating, not be a checklist for it. Your heart and the holiness of marriage are too important to flippantly give away because you are frustrated, impatient, or settling. There will be days when life is crashing down, your faith is wavering, and the only thing left will be your spouse. In this scenario, your spouse is there to pray for you, put his or her arm around you, and walk with you. It’s dangerous riding on the road to marriage without an idea of where you are going. Don’t sit someone down on the first date and interview them to make sure they meet all of the qualities. “The one” says you need to find the perfect person. Enter Eve, pro-creation, and marriage (not necessarily in that order). And the most intimate community on earth is the relationship you will have with your spouse. I am fearful the Christian community has irresponsibly coerced men and women into marriage through cultural pressure.And discovering one flaw means it’s time to move on. The first instance in the Bible where God is not pleased comes when God sees Adam living in the Garden of Eden alone (Gen. There must be a secret bylaw passed down from the early church fathers, but once you reach the age of 25 you will be asked the question almost weekly…”When are you getting married?If you are a Christian, there is no reason to date without a trajectory towards marriage. Hopefully one will end up as my spouse.” Not a good idea. So, the default for years is to leave as soon as a flaw arises. Disclaimer: If you are single, understand it is your responsibility to steward your time well. “Sex before marriage is bad.” This was the extent of my understanding of Christian dating as a teenager and young adult.Dating with a trajectory towards marriage means dating with a purpose. I fear this mentality in the dating culture is actually promoting divorce. Suddenly, when marriage begins, you are asked to flip a switch. Singleness is a gift from God, but singleness is not an excuse to be lazy. And to my church’s credit, they drilled this one point home constantly. If I could get on my knees and beg you to follow one of these principles, it would be this one.Casual or purposeless dating has no benefit for Christians. We are designed to know why we do stuff and where we are going. Now, please, please, please don’t be a freakish weirdo. It involves sharing personal struggles and vulnerability. This requires discipline, restraint, and abstinence from activities that don’t promote holiness. A pure mind might be the greatest gift you can give your future spouse. God must be at the center of your life before you consider dating. Don’t start dating without an assurance of God’s love for you and a solid understanding of the gospel.
There is another dangerous mentality in Christian circles I want to address…”flirting to convert.” Look…Christians are called to be missionaries.
A week after he had shed one of his rare tears kissing me that final goodbye, he stood outside the crappy Italian restaurant I was working at and asked if we could "try." And so began the most difficult journey of my life to date.
It started with a lot of bluster and confidence, mostly on my part. Converting the "lost" was my profession, after all. I also needed to believe this and needed to tell my worried, but open-handed, parents that although I was breaking the one rule they persistently drill into young evangelical girls (aside from no front hugs) — do not date non-Christian men — I was in control and was going to handle the situation. And while we clung tightly to each other and to the notion that love could conquer all, our relationship descended through multiple stages of hell before it finally came to another end.
His family was so far left and my family so far right, they practically came back around the circle.
The only thing they could agree on was that we should care for the poor — to do this, though, was another minefield of ideological differences and presuppositions about who was to blame for that poverty. He would scoop me up on his black motorcycle and whisk me to the best restaurants on the island, where we’d discuss our mutual love for travel and the family legacies we both shouldered.But we can’t be pro-active unless principles are established. I hope and pray the words from this post will spark further conversations in your ministries, relationships, and homes. If you need to take a minute to let that sink in, I will be here when you get back… Here’s the deal: God doesn’t set up marriage as a divine lottery where every person has one winning ticket. While marriage is a huge sanctifier, it is not something God says is mandatory.