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A Childhood Lost At the top of the stairs I Can't If you have a poem or anything else you have written to share with us, please email me. They say These clever scientist folks, That there is such a thing As learned helplessness; Cage a rat Subject it To repeated trauma Until it is so tired of fighting It will lie in the corner And take the pain Not leaving Even when the door is opened I know this to be true This has been me Cowering In the corner Begging With imploring eyes For you to shut the door And stop confronting me With impossible choices My body Is the landscape Over which You wish to roam Explore Discover New territory To claim for your own I am no longer an easy surrender Conquistador Adventurer Be tender In your approach And I may let you enjoy For too many Would-be conquerors If they cannot possess Will seek instead To destroy Every bruise you gave me Has become a battleshield Every scar you gave me Has regenerated Stronger skin You can't touch me now Every bone broken by you Has healed Every tear shed for you Has long since dried You can't reach me now I'm peaceful I've stopped the war You can't hurt me Any more There comes a time When you have to forget When nothing is left When things buried Have been brought to light Burned away And the ashes scattered To the winds There comes a time When nothing is left When all sounds Have faded away Even that Of goodbye I would love to say Part of me still cherishes you But it would be A lie. I have rights, and a voice, how loud must I be before I am heard This is all mixed up, not me, the system; crazy and disturbed Now it's you with that look again And I've got shame, isolation and even more pain Why are you putting me in a box? And if I cry alone, Then no-one will hear it, And if no-one hears it Does it make a sound?
I can say No False Affirmations We hide in Silence Lessons from a walk in the dark UNBROKEN VOWS Like a bird 2 o'clock No Happy Ending Deadly Storm What a Lad! I know now I am not your possession to abuse and keep You were right, it's dramatic, and all for show But it was you in the lead role, so desperate to grow Like a parasite you tried to consume and destroy my life Like a human being I tried to be your partner, friend and wife Go back to where you came from; it is what you do best Go back to being nothing,; an annoying little pest And when you get there be sure look up high Can you see me beaming brightly, lighting up the sky Each night I am reminded that you are evil, selfish and vile Each night I am reminded how lucky I am, blessed and smile You should see them now you've gone; happy, confident and born again All their own work, they erased you and survived any pain It was much easier than I thought; you can't miss what was never there But unlike you, I did feel true love, I wanted to grow, experience and share What a waste, a pointless thought and an unwanted gift All you saw was credibility, an excuse and blame to shift It is getting closer, that beautiful light calling me Close my eyes spread my wings and I am flying free It's over, just give up and please let us be Never again imprisoned, now and forever I'm holding the key Your self-pity and fairy tales fall on deaf ears Your stories and lies create no sympathy tears One by one everyone is hearing the truth T. there will be pain I try to make things calm, quiet and fast You try to justify, lie and buck pass Please don't put me in a box It doesn't hurt anymore, that's just how it goes I can cope; survive as long as the world never knows Keep my cards to my chest and my true feelings very near But you are getting more powerful, your greatest weapon; my fear Please don't put me in a box A moment of clarity, I'm not protecting them, like I think My greatest failing, my babies, I begin to sink Do to me what you can; they are my reason to fight Tear up all the carpets, there's no where left to put this out of sight But, please don't put me in a box There are agencies a plenty desperate to stand by our side They promise to make a difference; there will be a change of tide Stop, shock horror there is a pigeon hole on reserve Wasn't expecting that, a real ball with a curve Why are you putting me in a box? And if pain has a voice Is it a sob, a cry in the dark?The roots were widespread; it took time but soon they were gone.In their place I planted new flowers: their scent sweet.I made mistakes; planted the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Sometimes I tended the weeds and neglected the flowers; ignored the weaker delicate ones, not knowing their worth. I opened the gates and you entered where no other had been before.
So I hid my garden, and grew it in secret; my flowers bloomed but not under your gaze. You said you knew how it was all to be done, so I trusted you.