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13-Sep-2017 12:52

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If I could find the me of your age somewhere I’d have called myself a baby. If you have to take a stand that involves sacrificing someone’s happiness for someone else’s, whose happiness will you choose? Does that mean money is the only language that you can use – even with your closest family? But it gives you the mental strength and confidence to even believe that you can make your own decisions. If between the two of you you’re earning an amount which won’t allow for the maintenance of the same standard of living you currently enjoy – well, that’s a call you need to take.Well, on second thoughts there are people who’d still call me a baby and their number is more than two, but I digress again… In my experience of talking to, consoling and counselling scores of young people like you, I’ve observed that there are three golden rules of dealing with parents who are real tough nuts to crack, and I thought I’ll lay them down today, fuming as I am. And you have no idea about the power of that belief. Again, you need to choose the option that makes you the least unhappy: Option #1: Embark on a radically new life.Take time to research as many examples as possible of happy intercaste couples and unhappy same-caste couples among your friends and acquaintances.

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Anticipate the concerns your parents might have regarding your intercaste marriage. For example, they might fear adverse reaction from relatives, or they might believe that intercaste marriages don’t work or that children of intercaste marriages face problems.

I know countless inter-caste couples who have tried to convince their parents, failed and then gone ahead to get married anyway, leaving their parents’ home. In 100% of the cases, the parents’ accepted them within one year of getting married.* :) Blackmail? If that’s the tried, tested and fully working method, please help yourselves. :) *[Update: As pointed out by some readers, this requires some clarifications.

Caste-the blade that has driven deep scars across hearts and lives. And caste-the knife that’s drilling into your soul every moment: “I’m an XYZ. I personally renounce castes completely and utterly, so I can’t write a “pros and cons” type of article on anything related to the caste system in India.

There’s nothing wrong with choosing either of these options. Make a rational, practical and well-thought out decision, and prepare yourself mentally for the consequences. That analysis might happen in our minds entirely unconsciously. I think it’s very clear that their child’s happiness – while important – is not a determining factor for them so far as this decision is concerned.

I repeat – There’s nothing wrong with choosing either of these options. Don’t go into a hailstorm of remorse when those consequences become reality, because you know that you can’t have it all and you’ve made the best decision. (Otherwise why on Earth would they deliberately want their child to get married to someone other than the one they’re already deeply in love with? Is it looking very compelling to say a “yes” at the cost of losing face to the community? Now look at this one: What does that look like to you now?Introduce your “him”/ “her” to them and then request them to bring the matter up with your parents.