Dating relative rock
"The cultural norm prevented me from having any kind of relationship fantasy," she says.
"If the older woman has money, she's seen as pathetic because she's buying the attention of a younger man.
Still, there's a big difference between being swept off your feet and staying for the long haul.
A generation gap makes both people ask hard questions about love, aging, permanence, sacrifice, and family.
Over and over again, I've interviewed people who kept lists of qualities they were looking for in a spouse—a Wall Street banker, a vegetarian, a skier, a poet, someone who recycles, someone who drives a Porsche, someone under 30—and then fell in love with a completely different type of person, someone much younger or older, say, than they pictured. When I was 25, I spent ten days in Rome doing things I had never done: staying in hotels that cost more than a night, eating pasta that wasn't Stouffer's. He wasn't a father figure—he was a grandfather figure.
I also met a man who quoted poetry and knew all about wine and astrology and Roman history and which fork to use when presented with several in a fancy restaurant. At the end of our weeklong romance, we exchanged addresses and phone numbers.
She set him up with one of her younger friends, and had a long list of others to introduce him to.
When she met Duncan two years ago, she had recently opened a linen store and was more focused on searching for extraspecial percale cotton sheets than on finding romance. I play the cello." Her attitude toward love and marriage was: Been there, done that."What if I tell this guy I want to be more than friends and he says, 'Oh my God, you're like a mother to me'?" Finally, one night after 12 hours in the canyons and almost a full bottle of wine, she was so exhausted and tipsy that she got up the courage to say, "Do you want to take this relationship further?"So when it comes to physical beauty, yeah, you get older, you get wrinkles, you get gray hair, but it's not that big a deal." For many couples with an age difference, the most soul-searching conversations are about children—whether to have them, when to have them, if there's time.
Dianne and Mike talked a lot about family around their desert campfires.When we're hiking, his knees are worse than mine." Since falling in love with Mike, she has needed to redefine beauty. ' Your answer could be, 'I'm going to get a facelift.' My answer is, 'I'm going to be such a beautiful person inside that it's going to shine through to the outside,'" she says.