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Had he written to me he might have confided that he doesn’t understand why his wife gets so angry at his flirting, since it’s all he has left and it gives a brief ‘lift’ that the drugs cannot do. What needs to be said is that serious illness punishes partners and families almost as much as it afflicts those diagnosed — and this truth is often forgotten.He might have said he is terrified of death but unable to talk about it. The outsider will offer compassion to the one with cancer, or a disability, sometimes forgetting that the poor patient will often lash out most cruelly at the one who is nearest.He’s constantly putting me down and I feel very angry.He comes from a dysfunctional family who have never been there for him, which hurt him a lot.
As a parent with years of experience looking after a sick child/adult, I know only too well that the moments come when you want to shriek to the heavens: ‘Why is this happening to me? Take it away.’But you know that the situation has to be endured and running away into the sunset is not possible. What I want you to focus on is not what you have lost (the future planned with the husband you had) but on what it is not possible for you to lose.As I write this he’s come into my office to show me a letter.When I explained that I was in the middle of something he accused me of being ‘self-absorbed’.I’m the only wage-earner and this puts me under huge pressure.
Days like today, I feel like disappearing into the sunset.
He takes antidepressants but I see no evidence of improvement.